Tess
and I attended a conference a few years ago in Myrtle Beach. There were some
transitional circumstances going on in our lives at that time and I was feeling
somewhat out of place, not sure where I fit in. I wanted God to show me the
“what” and “where” of my life, so I could get on with the program. John Lynch
was the featured speaker for the conference.
He is one of the co-authors of "TrueFaced,” “The Cure,” and
"Bo's Café." I really enjoyed reading his books and listening to his
talks, so I was hoping to be inspired by something he would say.
On
Sunday morning, John spoke some words of encouragement and then he asked us to
share what God was telling us. As I sat there and listened to many people
express very encouraging words they were receiving from God, I was deeply
moved in my spirit. Of course, if you know me, you know my eyes were not dry.
God reminded me of something He told me when I was 21 years old. First of
all, let me explain the back-story.
I had
just moved from Montana to North Florida to attend a small ministry college.
Two weeks prior to moving to Florida, I was helping out at a youth camp in
Northern Montana. It was the last night of camp and the evangelist preached the
"wheat and tare" sermon (Mat. 14:24-30). For the first time in my
Christian life, I experienced doubt about my salvation. It wasn't just a little
doubt, either; it was a trainload! So, when I moved 2,000 miles away from home,
I carried this doubt with me.
One
afternoon I found myself alone in my dorm room. I was feeling overwhelmed by
all the changes I was experiencing. For me, it felt as though many important
elements of my life had been ripped away. I was 2,000 miles away from my family
and friends, and the state in which I loved living. Montana is pure beauty and
North Florida is, well . . . not the same. The environment in which I
identified myself was a long way off. My body and soul were completely removed
from their comfort zone.
The
worst part, however, I was out of my spiritual comfort zone. I had always had
such a deep connection with Father until this time, no matter what was going on
in my life, I could endure with a peace that passes all understanding. This new
doubt robbed me of that.
Anyhow,
back to the dorm room. I found myself on my knees praying out to God for
relief. As I knelt there all prayed out, I heard God say to me, "I am
going to do something great with your life." After I heard Him say that, I
cried a deep soul-wrenching cry. As I reflected on what He said, my mind at the
time could only imagine what He meant by those words. I imagined God lifting
me up to do some great task that would give me some kind of accolades from my
fellow man. Of course, I would humbly point all the glory back to God.
During some of my darkest experiences after that moment, I would think back to
those words, because I knew those words were not from me.
Fast
forward twenty-six years to the weekend in Myrtle Beach, as I was reminded of
those words, God shared another revelation with me. He told me He had
accomplished that "great" thing in my life. He said that my
relationship with Him IS the greatness of my life! Through that relationship He
has shown me a deeper understanding of His grace, He has shown me what it is to
be free, He has convinced me of the righteousness and holiness that is mine
because of Christ, He has shown me the most important thing in my life is not a
"thing" but a person. When I was in my early twenties He began to
destroy everything that was contrary to the truth that sets me free.
It
may be tempting to wonder why God didn’t just reveal that to me on that day in
the darkness of my dorm room. It is also
tempting to say, “Look at all the time I wasted!” I realize, however, God is faithful to complete
what He has started. He knew I was not
ready for that revelation. There was too
much junk in my belief system He needed to peel away, layer by layer. On reflection, I see how God orchestrated a
major crisis in my life to draw me closer to Him. His timing at Myrtle Beach
was perfect. He knew twenty-six years
earlier the day, the hour, and the minute when He would reveal that amazing
truth.
I
no longer look for that grand duty, task or purpose. I trust that knowing Him
is life. That is what Jesus prayed to His Father in John 17:3, “This is eternal
life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have
sent.” (NASB) Thank you Father for giving me your life! I love you!
"But
whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the
sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the
surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the
loss of all things, and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ,
and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the
Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes
from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him, and the fellowship of His
sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the
resurrection from the dead." (Phil. 3:7-11, NASB)
