Does God Have Your Middle?

When we accepted God’s free gift of life through Christ, hopefully we realized that salvation was something He did for us – not something we could do for ourselves. Now that we are forgiven and reconciled to God, our future hope of heaven is secure because of Christ. To put it simply, God has secured our beginning and our end.

The big question now is, “Does God have our middle?” We have trusted Him for salvation and heaven, but do we trust Him with everything in between? We human beings want proof before we act or move. Even when proof is provided, we want our emotions to line up with that proof.

If someone is afraid to fly on a plane, it doesn’t matter how much proof is provided regarding the law of aerodynamics, airplane engineering, and pilot skill; if the person’s emotions are telling them they are not safe, they are not going to get on the plane.

Our struggle with our emotions hinders us from accepting the truth. If I feel unloved, it doesn’t matter how much you tell me I am loved when I am trusting in my emotions. When did our emotions become truth?

Truth can stand without our emotions being in agreement. When Jesus prayed in the garden to His Father “let this cup pass from me,” (Matt. 16:39) His emotions were raging. His emotions were telling Him that He didn’t want to go through the trial ahead. However, His choice was to follow His Father’s will. His behavior lined up with what He believed regarding His Father. He believed His Father was good and that His Father knew what was best. 

What do we believe about God? Do we believe He is kind and good? If we believe He loves us, how much does He like us? How much is He paying attention to the details of our life?

How we answer these questions will reveal how much we trust Him and believe He has our back. God loved us so much He gave His only Son to demonstrate His love for us (Jn. 3:16). The problem with our belief system is we have left out the most important part of God’s gift. He has gifted us life. His gift of life is for now, not just future in heaven.

There is a gap between being “born again” and going to heaven. God never intended for us to be in charge of that gap. As we trust Him with every moment of our life, He proves His faithfulness to us. He proves how much He likes us. There is no detail of our lives that He does not notice and with which He is not concerned. God’s life in us secures our beginning, our middle, and our end (which is really not the end).

A Promise Keeper

Back in the 1990, Bill McCartney started a movement called “Promise Keepers.”   I attended one of those Promise Keeper rallies in Dallas back in the mid 90’s.  It was a wonderful event attended by over 60,000 men.  At that time in my life I needed something to revitalize my commitment to Christ and to help motivate me to be the best Christian I could be.  I was attending seminary full-time, serving a small church as the worship pastor part-time, and working as the facilities manager of a large church full-time.  I was immersed in the Christian community every day, all day!  Yet, I needed something to give me a boost because I still felt like a failing Christian.  After experiencing this wonderful event, I just knew that God had given me a boost of the spiritual energy I needed to keep going.  I walked away with a recommitment to be the best husband and father I could be, the best worship pastor, best student and employee.  I felt I could storm the gates of hell with my renewed sense of commitment!

Here’s the bad news though, it didn’t work for very long.  I went right back to the same patterns of behavior and feelings of inadequacy, with an extra dose of shame thrown on top.  Andrew Farley, author of “The Naked Gospel,” said the first “promise keepers” rally happened when Moses brought the Ten Commandments down from the mountain.  The people, after hearing the Ten Commandments, responded with these words, “All that the Lord has spoken we will do!” (Exodus 19:8)  That sounds like a huge promise.  I believe they meant what they said, however, they proved their failure to do so over and over.  I know I meant every promise I ever made to God, but I too experienced nothing but failure.

Why do we find ourselves ultimately living defeated lives after making these kinds of heart-felt promises?  It seems to be due to our misunderstanding of where our power comes from.  I finally came to realize that I was trying to let law be my guide for right-living.  In other words, I was trying to live by standards, principles, rules, precepts, etc…  No matter how well-intentioned I was, I could not keep a promise to do better.  I was working under the notion that I was still a sinner by nature and that I needed to internalize these wonderful Christian principles to help me make better decisions for Christ.  I knew I was “saved” and that God loved me, but I felt like God was disappointed with me.  I constantly went to Him with heart-felt apologies.  If God wants us to live victorious Christian lives, where does the power come from?

Obviously, the power to live victoriously does not come from knowledge.  Nor does it come from commitment.  True power comes from Christ, not our knowledge of Him and His teachings, nor our love for Him.  It comes from Him, His life that He has now placed in us.  Paul said in Colossians 1:27, “…Christ in you, the hope of glory.”  Glory is not the state of being in heaven; it is referring to the glorious nature of Christ in us!  He is my hope for victory, not my knowledge or commitment.  The only way He could place His glory in me was to crucify or kill the old sinner man that was me.  That old sinner man had a heart desire to sin.  There was no way Christ could join Himself to that man.  He had to remove that old man and place a new creature in his place.  That new creature can now be joined with Christ and experience His glorious nature.

So, what I could not do through trying to keep promises, Christ did through the power of His life in me!  When I finally realized my true identity was a new creature in Christ (2 Cor. 5:17), I was convinced that God could not and would not be disappointed with me.  I was miserable sinning because I was a saint experiencing a behavior contrary to my true nature.  Christ is the only “Promise Keeper.”  He told Paul that His power was perfected in Paul’s weaknesses. (2 Cor. 12:9-10)  Paul rejoiced at the revelation that it was not about His ability to keep promises, but Christ’s ability in him.  True victory for Christian living is found in the person of Christ living in us.  It is a relationship to be experienced moment by moment. 

Glorifying God

If you were to randomly interview folks and ask them what it means to glorify God, what kind of answers would you get? You would hear answers such as singing praises, giving money or time, serving others, praying, reading your Bible, going to church, speaking out for God, etc. There is nothing wrong with any of these answers, but is this truly what glorifies God?

Because of our performance driven culture, we have been programmed to focus on outcomes. In other words, there is a goal or outcome we strive to reach. Until the outcome is achieved, we seem to feel incomplete or lacking. This mind-set has been transferred to how we approach glorifying God. We see glorifying God as an outcome of something we do.

Were the first human beings driven to achieve? Did they focus on the works of their hands as something that would hopefully bring glory to God? I think the answer to both those questions is “no.” They did not have a Bible to study, rote prayers to recite, a church to attend, or a cause to champion. They simply expressed moment by moment the life they contained.

Glorifying God has never been about outcomes. In applying a deeper understanding of who God is, we can quickly realize that God is not dependent on outcomes. He can speak the non-existent into existence. He does not live for tomorrow. God is content, He is peaceful, He is joyful, and He is Life and Light and Love. He is not waiting for or in need of something to happen before He can experience all that He is.

There is nothing in creation that can produce something God needs because God needs nothing. He is complete in and of Himself. Whenever you look at a mountain you can see the expression of God’s glory, yet the mountain does nothing to produce glory for God. The mountain is what it is. The mere fact that God created the mountain is the expression of His glory.

You and I have been misled to believe that we must produce an outcome in order for God to be glorified. Glory is and has always been about expression. We were made for expressing God’s greatest glory – the expression of God’s Life, Light, and Love. Whenever we love we are expressing glory; whenever we are patient we are expressing glory; whenever we are gentle we are expressing glory, etc.

You might say, “Ok, I know I can sometimes be patient, but most of the time I am not.” You are now focused on the outcome. In other words, one day you hope to be a patient person all the time. God is not waiting for you to be patient all the time, He wants you to trust Him and express patience in the moment. No matter how many times you have failed to express patience, those failures will not overshadow the times that you are. God is glorified every time we trust Him and allow Him to express Himself in and through us. This is only accomplished in total surrender to His presence in us.

I want to stop focusing on the past – all the moments I failed to express God’s glory. I also want to stop focusing on the future – hoping I will always express God’s glory in all that I do. God is teaching me to look at Him now and trust Him now and to cease looking to the past or to the future. I am so glad that God is not about outcomes, but revels in the moment-by-moment expressions of His Life in me!

God's Promise

Tess and I attended a conference a few years ago in Myrtle Beach. There were some transitional circumstances going on in our lives at that time and I was feeling somewhat out of place, not sure where I fit in. I wanted God to show me the “what” and “where” of my life, so I could get on with the program. John Lynch was the featured speaker for the conference.  He is one of the co-authors of "TrueFaced,” “The Cure,” and "Bo's Café." I really enjoyed reading his books and listening to his talks, so I was hoping to be inspired by something he would say.

On Sunday morning, John spoke some words of encouragement and then he asked us to share what God was telling us. As I sat there and listened to many people express very encouraging words they were receiving from God, I was deeply moved in my spirit. Of course, if you know me, you know my eyes were not dry. God reminded me of something He told me when I was 21 years old. First of all, let me explain the back-story.

I had just moved from Montana to North Florida to attend a small ministry college. Two weeks prior to moving to Florida, I was helping out at a youth camp in Northern Montana. It was the last night of camp and the evangelist preached the "wheat and tare" sermon (Mat. 14:24-30). For the first time in my Christian life, I experienced doubt about my salvation. It wasn't just a little doubt, either; it was a trainload! So, when I moved 2,000 miles away from home, I carried this doubt with me.

One afternoon I found myself alone in my dorm room. I was feeling overwhelmed by all the changes I was experiencing. For me, it felt as though many important elements of my life had been ripped away. I was 2,000 miles away from my family and friends, and the state in which I loved living. Montana is pure beauty and North Florida is, well . . . not the same. The environment in which I identified myself was a long way off. My body and soul were completely removed from their comfort zone.

The worst part, however, I was out of my spiritual comfort zone. I had always had such a deep connection with Father until this time, no matter what was going on in my life, I could endure with a peace that passes all understanding. This new doubt robbed me of that.

Anyhow, back to the dorm room. I found myself on my knees praying out to God for relief. As I knelt there all prayed out, I heard God say to me, "I am going to do something great with your life." After I heard Him say that, I cried a deep soul-wrenching cry. As I reflected on what He said, my mind at the time could only imagine what He meant by those words. I imagined God lifting me up to do some great task that would give me some kind of accolades from my fellow man. Of course, I would humbly point all the glory back to God. During some of my darkest experiences after that moment, I would think back to those words, because I knew those words were not from me.

Fast forward twenty-six years to the weekend in Myrtle Beach, as I was reminded of those words, God shared another revelation with me. He told me He had accomplished that "great" thing in my life. He said that my relationship with Him IS the greatness of my life! Through that relationship He has shown me a deeper understanding of His grace, He has shown me what it is to be free, He has convinced me of the righteousness and holiness that is mine because of Christ, He has shown me the most important thing in my life is not a "thing" but a person. When I was in my early twenties He began to destroy everything that was contrary to the truth that sets me free.

It may be tempting to wonder why God didn’t just reveal that to me on that day in the darkness of my dorm room.  It is also tempting to say, “Look at all the time I wasted!”  I realize, however, God is faithful to complete what He has started.  He knew I was not ready for that revelation.  There was too much junk in my belief system He needed to peel away, layer by layer.  On reflection, I see how God orchestrated a major crisis in my life to draw me closer to Him. His timing at Myrtle Beach was perfect.  He knew twenty-six years earlier the day, the hour, and the minute when He would reveal that amazing truth. 

I no longer look for that grand duty, task or purpose. I trust that knowing Him is life. That is what Jesus prayed to His Father in John 17:3, “This is eternal life, that they may know You, the only true God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent.” (NASB) Thank you Father for giving me your life! I love you!

"But whatever things were gain to me, those things I have counted as loss for the sake of Christ. More than that, I count all things to be loss in view of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whom I have suffered the loss of all things, and count them but rubbish in order that I may gain Christ, and may be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own derived from the Law, but that which is through faith in Christ, the righteousness which comes from God on the basis of faith, that I may know Him, and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead." (Phil. 3:7-11, NASB)

Letter to Liam

Dear Liam,

Hey little buddy!  It was such a joy to see you on your birthday, even if it was for just a few moments.  As I looked at you, I saw a perfect little boy.  I don’t understand why you were born so early, but I’m glad you were born.  I have to admit, I was looking forward to all the experiences a grandfather and grandson have together.  I was chasing your cousins around my living room the other day and I told your mom how much I looked forward to chasing you around my living room.  It’s probably the only aerobic exercise I get these days!

I was also looking forward to teaching you how to fix stuff.  I’m known by our family as the guy who can fix just about anything mechanical.  I was also looking forward to teaching you how to shoot a gun and taking you hunting and camping.  You would have loved that!

I was also anticipating the big hugs we would have shared together.  I love it when your brother lays his head next to mine and just rests there for a few moments allowing me to embrace him.  One day soon you and I will share that embrace.  I can’t wait!

I love talking about Jesus and how much He means to me.  I’ve been learning more in the past few years just how much He did through His life and through his death.  I operated for many years trying to live for Jesus, which only led to conflict and frustration.  Now I live in Jesus and through His life.  He has taken a lot of pressure off of me and now I’m able to rest and experience His peace and His joy.  That is how I’m able to grieve your leaving us so soon without falling apart.  I would have loved to tell you all about Jesus, but now you know more about Him than I do!

I want to tell you a little about your family.  First of all, you have an amazing mom.  Your mom is my oldest child.  I realize you know her from a unique perspective that I can’t know, but let me tell you about her from my perspective.  She has a quiet strength that makes her the best friend anyone could ever have.  She is very loyal.  She is loving and kind to those around her.  She can look at someone and see the best in them when no one else can.  If you compare her to water, she is like a lake whose waters are still and deep.  When she was young, it was obvious that she was good with children.  By the time she was 12 she was babysitting by herself.  Parents loved her because of her deep sense of responsibility she had for their children.  They knew if your mom was caring for them, their children were safe.  She made sure they were cared for, and she entered their world on their level and spoke worth and value to them through her words and presence. 

I always knew your mom would be a good mother.  Your mom was not the typical “new” mother.  When your brother was born, she took care of him like he was the fourth born.  She was relaxed and she was not hindered by all the promises new mothers make, “when I become a mom, I’m going to ______!” or “I’m never going to _____!”  Your mom was a pro.  She was and is a confident mother.

I’ve always known that your mom’s faith was deep and personal, but your mom doesn’t verbally clarify what she believes as readily as I do.  As I have watched her go through the pain of losing you, I’ve seen with my own eyes how much of a spiritual giant she truly is.  In the midst of her pain, she was ministering to the hospital staff after you were born.  I’ve seen the glory of God flow out of her actions, her words, and her emotions.  She is truly amazing!

Now let me tell you about your dad.  He is a fun dad and his love for your mom, your brother and for you runs very deep.  He’s not like a lot of other dads who expect the mom to do all the mundane stuff of caring for children.  I’ve watched your dad feed, change diapers, give baths, clean up messes, and make sure your brother is cared for.  He doesn’t see any of those duties as beneath him.  Most of all, I’ve watched your dad love on your brother with all his might.  He is not afraid to hug him and kiss him and continually tell him how much he loves him.  You could not have asked for a better dad. 

You would also be proud of your dad’s accomplishments.  Your dad is an amazing guitarist.  It comes natural to him.  He taught himself.  I’ve watched him play with much envy.  He’s tried teaching me a little, but I’m a lost cause when it comes to playing the guitar! 

One of the things your dad was looking forward to was taking you fishing.  He loves to fish and he’s pretty good at it.  I like to fish, but not like your dad.  He can spend hours fishing without getting a bite, and still feel like his time was well spent.

One more thing about your dad, he loves God with all his heart.  He truly desires to live a life well-pleasing to Him.  Your dad, like all the rest of us, has had his struggles in this life, but he keeps pressing forward knowing that God is making him into the person He predestined him to be.  I see God using the pain of losing you to conform your dad more into the image of Christ.  Please know that your short life was not a waste for your dad, it counted for more than you can imagine.

I want to tell you a little about your brother Killian.  He is a lot of fun.  I know the two of you would have been great friends.  Killian always lights up a room.  He is always smiling and I’ve never been around someone who can laugh like him at such a young age.  When I hear him laugh, I laugh. 

I’ve noticed that your brother has an aptitude for mechanical things (like his papa).  He can figure out how something works pretty quickly.  Before he was a year old, he could put a straw in the small straw hole on a cup.  That is hard for some adults I know! 

Your big brother lights up my life and anyone else with whom he comes in contact.  I don’t know what he is going to be like when he grows up, but I know he will be a great man, especially if the best of his mom and dad are built into his character.

Next, there is your Mimi.  She has been excited to welcome you into this world.  She had the honor of being with your mom and dad when you were born.  If love was like water, you would have been surrounded like an ocean by her love for you.  I watch your Mimi pour herself into your brother and your cousins with all her heart.  Your Mimi loves her grandkids selflessly and sacrificially.  Your Mimi is a giving person naturally, but when it comes to her grandkids, she would give everything. 

Your Mimi is one of the Godliest women I know.  She is always lifting up her children and grandchildren to God in prayer.  She trusts God to take care of her family.  She knows that He is the giver and sustainer of life.  She knows and believes that having a relationship with God is the greatest thing to have.  She so desires to see her children and grandchildren living out of that relationship.

You would have loved your Uncle Luke and Aunt Cassie and your cousin Landon.  They are sad you couldn’t stay with us.  They had to say goodbye to a son or daughter back in December.  Please let him or her know how much they are loved. 

You would have loved your Uncle Luke’s sense of humor and his big hugs.  He gives the best hugs.  Your Aunt Cassie has the prettiest smile and she makes awesome desserts!  Your cousin Landon has a very contagious laugh and he loves to play.  You would have had a great time playing with him.

You would have also loved your Uncle Cameron and Aunt Moriah and your cousin Aylen.  Uncle Cameron and Aunt Moriah love to have fun.  You would have had a good time hanging out with them. 

Your cousin Aylen is a beautiful little girl, however, I have to warn you, she is your oldest cousin and she is a little bossy.  You boys probably can’t hold a candle to her resolve.  I was chasing her around my living room the other night trying to kiss her on the head before I went to bed.  She is finally fast enough to outrun me!  After I gave up trying to catch her she said, “Papa, you have to catch me if you want to kiss me!”  I told her, “I hope you tell all the boys that!”  We’ll see.

There are so many more I want to tell you about, like your great grandparents and your great uncles and aunts.  You have such a rich heritage and that’s just your mom’s side of the family.  Your dad’s side of the family is awesome also.  I’ll let them tell you all about that side.

It would have been a privilege and an honor to see you grow into the man I know you would have been, and I’m very sorrowful that your family and me will not get that opportunity.  Life here can be tough, and losing you is one of those tough, unbearable experiences we all seem to go through.  God never promised us we would have struggle free lives.  As a matter of fact, we were promised just the opposite.  James said to consider it all joy when we encounter various trials.  Paul said not to lose heart when we are experiencing the pains of this life.  He even described that suffering as “momentary, light affliction.”  I’ve got to be honest, losing you doesn’t feel like “light affliction,” it feels heavy.

God, however, is teaching me to see everything from His perspective.  When I see my earthly life from His perspective, I realize even my life is a breath compared to eternity.  I’m also realizing that when God looks at your life, what we see as a breath here, He sees as eternal.  You were made for eternal relationship with Him because He desired you.  You exist because of Him, and that gives you more worth than you can imagine.

Liam, please know that our pain of losing you is producing in us a greater glory beyond comparison.  You matter and your life here mattered.  Through you God is teaching us to trust Him in all circumstances.  We are all going to miss you, but we will see you soon.

With all my love,

Papa