As a counselor, I deal with the issue of "trust" a lot. As I listen to couples struggling with giving and getting trust, I want to wave a magic wand and make their struggle go away. Of course, I don't have a magic wand or a magic pill or even magic words to say. I've asked Father to teach me more about trust and help me see it from His perspective.
I was thinking about the level of trust between Tess and me. We both trust each other greatly in most areas of our life. As a matter of fact, I enjoy trusting her. I don't sit around and wonder what she is doing when I am not looking. There is peace in this manner of living.
As I thought more about trust I realized there are two aspects of trust: giving trust and receiving trust. There is the one who gives trust and the one who receives trust. Each party has a responsibility in this "trust" process. The obvious and most observed of this transaction is the responsibility of the receiver to either earn or deserve the trust that is given. If the receiver's behavior cast any doubt that they are deserving of trust, trust can be withheld by the giver. In this case, the burden of trust really falls solely on the shoulders of the receiver.
The problem we encounter as humans when trying to give trust is that we are limited in our ability to control, to know the future, and to know the heart of others. All we can do is observe behavior in others and then make judgement calls on whether they are "trustworthy" or not! This process can be very scary if you have been hurt by someone you trusted. No one wants to get hurt.
Father showed me the other side of the process. There is the responsibility of the giver to give trust without proof. It is assuming the best when experience doesn't line up with expectation. It is knowing the heart of the one in whom you are giving trust. You may be thinking at this point, "Only God can truly know the heart of a person!" Bingo! We have to depend on Christ because He is all-knowing and totally in control. Trust given through the power of abiding in Christ produces peace and joy in the life of the giver.
I told Tess I realized I trusted her because of who I am and not because of what she does or doesn't do. Initially she gave me a funny look, but I further explained. I want to trust her whether she earns it or not. I want to assume the best about her even when I may question a behavior. This kind of trust can only be given through Christ's Life in me. It is ultimately me trusting Christ as He trusts others through me!
If I am allowing others to determine my well-being, they will eventually hurt me with their words and actions. I see husbands and wives giving this power to each other, and then eventually the other will hurt and wound them deeply. When this happens, the temptation is to withhold trust until the other person earns their trust again. The problem with this kind of trust giving is the "hell" the giver lives in while they worry about being hurt again.
You see, Christ will never hurt me. He loves me deeply and fully. Christ can be completely trusted. Trusting others through Christ is a divine process. It cannot be explained, but it can be lived as you trust Christ in you!
