Dear Liam,
Hey little buddy! It was such a joy to see you on your
birthday, even if it was for just a few moments. As I looked at you, I saw a perfect little
boy. I don’t understand why you were
born so early, but I’m glad you were born.
I have to admit, I was looking forward to all the experiences a
grandfather and grandson have together.
I was chasing your cousins around my living room the other day and I
told your mom how much I looked forward to chasing you around my living
room. It’s probably the only aerobic
exercise I get these days!
I was also looking forward to teaching you
how to fix stuff. I’m known by our
family as the guy who can fix just about anything mechanical. I was also looking forward to teaching you
how to shoot a gun and taking you hunting and camping. You would have loved that!
I was also anticipating the big hugs we would
have shared together. I love it when
your brother lays his head next to mine and just rests there for a few moments
allowing me to embrace him. One day soon
you and I will share that embrace. I
can’t wait!
I love talking about Jesus and how much He
means to me. I’ve been learning more in
the past few years just how much He did through His life and through his
death. I operated for many years trying
to live for Jesus, which only led to conflict and frustration. Now I live in Jesus and through His
life. He has taken a lot of pressure off
of me and now I’m able to rest and experience His peace and His joy. That is how I’m able to grieve your leaving
us so soon without falling apart. I
would have loved to tell you all about Jesus, but now you know more about Him
than I do!
I want to tell you a little about your
family. First of all, you have an
amazing mom. Your mom is my oldest
child. I realize you know her from a
unique perspective that I can’t know, but let me tell you about her from my
perspective. She has a quiet strength
that makes her the best friend anyone could ever have. She is very loyal. She is loving and kind to those around
her. She can look at someone and see the
best in them when no one else can. If
you compare her to water, she is like a lake whose waters are still and
deep. When she was young, it was obvious
that she was good with children. By the
time she was 12 she was babysitting by herself.
Parents loved her because of her deep sense of responsibility she had
for their children. They knew if your
mom was caring for them, their children were safe. She made sure they were cared for, and she
entered their world on their level and spoke worth and value to them through
her words and presence.
I always knew your mom would be a good
mother. Your mom was not the typical
“new” mother. When your brother was
born, she took care of him like he was the fourth born. She was relaxed and she was not hindered by
all the promises new mothers make, “when I become a mom, I’m going to ______!”
or “I’m never going to _____!” Your mom
was a pro. She was and is a confident mother.
I’ve always known that your mom’s faith was
deep and personal, but your mom doesn’t verbally clarify what she believes as
readily as I do. As I have watched her
go through the pain of losing you, I’ve seen with my own eyes how much of a
spiritual giant she truly is. In the
midst of her pain, she was ministering to the hospital staff after you were
born. I’ve seen the glory of God flow
out of her actions, her words, and her emotions. She is truly amazing!
Now let me tell you about your dad. He is a fun dad and his love for your mom,
your brother and for you runs very deep.
He’s not like a lot of other dads who expect the mom to do all the
mundane stuff of caring for children. I’ve
watched your dad feed, change diapers, give baths, clean up messes, and make
sure your brother is cared for. He
doesn’t see any of those duties as beneath him.
Most of all, I’ve watched your dad love on your brother with all his
might. He is not afraid to hug him and
kiss him and continually tell him how much he loves him. You could not have asked for a better
dad.
You would also be proud of your dad’s
accomplishments. Your dad is an amazing
guitarist. It comes natural to him. He taught himself. I’ve watched him play with much envy. He’s tried teaching me a little, but I’m a
lost cause when it comes to playing the guitar!
One of the things your dad was looking
forward to was taking you fishing. He
loves to fish and he’s pretty good at it. I like to fish, but not like your dad. He can spend hours fishing without getting a
bite, and still feel like his time was well spent.
One more thing about your dad, he loves God
with all his heart. He truly desires to
live a life well-pleasing to Him. Your
dad, like all the rest of us, has had his struggles in this life, but he keeps
pressing forward knowing that God is making him into the person He predestined
him to be. I see God using the pain of
losing you to conform your dad more into the image of Christ. Please know that your short life was not a
waste for your dad, it counted for more than you can imagine.
I want to tell you a little about your
brother Killian. He is a lot of
fun. I know the two of you would have
been great friends. Killian always
lights up a room. He is always smiling
and I’ve never been around someone who can laugh like him at such a young
age. When I hear him laugh, I laugh.
I’ve noticed that your brother has an
aptitude for mechanical things (like his papa).
He can figure out how something works pretty quickly. Before he was a year old, he could put a
straw in the small straw hole on a cup.
That is hard for some adults I know!
Your big brother lights up my life and anyone
else with whom he comes in contact. I
don’t know what he is going to be like when he grows up, but I know he will be
a great man, especially if the best of his mom and dad are built into his
character.
Next, there is your Mimi. She has been excited to welcome you into this
world. She had the honor of being with
your mom and dad when you were born. If
love was like water, you would have been surrounded like an ocean by her love
for you. I watch your Mimi pour herself
into your brother and your cousins with all her heart. Your Mimi loves her grandkids selflessly and
sacrificially. Your Mimi is a giving
person naturally, but when it comes to her grandkids, she would give
everything.
Your Mimi is one of the Godliest women I
know. She is always lifting up her
children and grandchildren to God in prayer.
She trusts God to take care of her family. She knows that He is the giver and sustainer
of life. She knows and believes that
having a relationship with God is the greatest thing to have. She so desires to see her children and
grandchildren living out of that relationship.
You would have loved your Uncle Luke and Aunt
Cassie and your cousin Landon. They are
sad you couldn’t stay with us. They had
to say goodbye to a son or daughter back in December. Please let him or her know how much they are
loved.
You would have loved your Uncle Luke’s sense
of humor and his big hugs. He gives the
best hugs. Your Aunt Cassie has the prettiest
smile and she makes awesome desserts!
Your cousin Landon has a very contagious laugh and he loves to
play. You would have had a great time
playing with him.
You would have also loved your Uncle Cameron
and Aunt Moriah and your cousin Aylen.
Uncle Cameron and Aunt Moriah love to have fun. You would have had a good time hanging out with
them.
Your cousin Aylen is a beautiful little girl,
however, I have to warn you, she is your oldest cousin and she is a little
bossy. You boys probably can’t hold a
candle to her resolve. I was chasing her
around my living room the other night trying to kiss her on the head before I
went to bed. She is finally fast enough
to outrun me! After I gave up trying to
catch her she said, “Papa, you have to catch me if you want to kiss me!” I told her, “I hope you tell all the boys
that!” We’ll see.
There are so many more I want to tell you
about, like your great grandparents and your great uncles and aunts. You have such a rich heritage and that’s just
your mom’s side of the family. Your
dad’s side of the family is awesome also.
I’ll let them tell you all about that side.
It would have been a privilege and an honor
to see you grow into the man I know you would have been, and I’m very sorrowful
that your family and me will not get that opportunity. Life here can be tough, and losing you is one
of those tough, unbearable experiences we all seem to go through. God never promised us we would have struggle
free lives. As a matter of fact, we were
promised just the opposite. James said
to consider it all joy when we encounter various trials. Paul said not to lose heart when we are experiencing
the pains of this life. He even described
that suffering as “momentary, light affliction.” I’ve got to be honest, losing you doesn’t
feel like “light affliction,” it feels heavy.
God, however, is teaching me to see
everything from His perspective. When I
see my earthly life from His perspective, I realize even my life is a breath
compared to eternity. I’m also realizing
that when God looks at your life, what we see as a breath here, He sees as
eternal. You were made for eternal relationship
with Him because He desired you. You
exist because of Him, and that gives you more worth than you can imagine.
Liam, please know that our pain of losing you
is producing in us a greater glory beyond comparison. You matter and your life here mattered. Through you God is teaching us to trust Him
in all circumstances. We are all going
to miss you, but we will see you soon.
With all my love,
Papa
