I have existed a good portion of my time here on this earth surviving. Maybe that's why I'm drawn to post-apocalyptic stories. They are stories of survival in the midst of insurmountable odds.
I want to be candid about myself and my struggles. I struggle with the future. I ask myself questions like, "will I be able to retire?" or "will I have good health in my 60's, 70's and 80's?" Of course I don't know how much longer I will even be here! Intellectually I know I'm not in control of my future, but my culture tells me I should be.
When I was in high school I knew God was calling me to go into vocational ministry. I had originally wanted to go into engineering. God has given me a very mechanical mind and a natural ability to understand mechanical things. When God shifted my direction, I gladly joined Him in that journey. However, I had no idea as to what that journey would entail, especially the "survival" aspect!
Now that I'm 50, I think about "the rest of my life." From my cultural perspective where savings, retirement, investments and such are thought about daily, I'm not prepared for the future. I sometimes struggle with this fact and find myself wallowing in a little self-pity. Father just smiles!
Recently I was listening to the radio while driving home. There was a line in the song about giving up your life. In that moment Father spoke to me. I realized how much we are consumed with being in control of our lives. Essentially we are told to either borrow on our future so we can live today, or post-pone living today so we can live after we are retired. The second one sounds more responsible, but I'm not sure how biblical it is.
I find myself consumed with the "what if's" on a regular basis. Father said all He really wants is for us to trust Him. It is in knowing Him that we are truly able to trust Him. It's hard to trust someone you don't know. If I listen to the world, the world tells me I have failed or am failing. If I listen to Father He tells me I'm a great success. Why? Because I know Him!
One of my favorite verses is Job 42:5, "My ears had heard about you, but now my eyes have seen you." (CEB) Job was seen by his peers as a righteous man. He crossed his T's and dotted his I's. He was a shining example of a "godly" man. The sad thing, though, he did not know God; he only knew about Him. I'll give him kudos though, he did all that righteous living based on what he had heard. Oh, did I say living? I meant surviving. His culture said he was living, but God had determined he was just surviving.
After Job began to see God (know Him), he did not look back. He realized he was never in control, but it was God all along. He realized Life wasn't about being prepared, but rather knowing God. There is nothing wrong with being prepared, but preparation apart from knowing God is simply "survival."
The world has a totally opposite manner of "living" than God's design. The world says we have to secure our future in order to be safe. Jesus told a sad story of a man who viewed life in this manner. The man tore down his old barns and built bigger ones and filled them up with stuff to secure his future. He finally said to himself, "Soul, you have many goods laid up for many years to come; take your ease, eat, drink and be merry." (Luke 12:19, NASB) God called the man a fool. Jesus said, "Beware, and be on your guard against every form of greed; for not even when one has an abundance does his life consist of his possessions." (Luke 12:15, NASB)
Through my worry and anxiety Father showed me I was trying to survive. When I am obsessed with surviving I'm not truly living. My relationship with God is my future and He holds that future in His hands. Knowing Him is trusting Him and knowing Him is truly Living!
